this is the, hmm let's see how many allusions I can put in one poem. All comments, crits, suggestions welcome. Ciao CL.
vermillion corset feather firebrand
this is the end of a renaissance morning
we don’t live happily, and the end is
drawing down the moon. (shining honey,
dripping spiral webs of spindle wax.)
don’t worry about me. happiness is
a warm gun, mother superior cradling
my own little poetic tragedy in mama’s
hands at the cusp of it all. at the end of it all:
this november prussian curdling hue.
don’t feel bad for me. you’re all
gunpowder treason and plot. and
at this end of a renaissance morning
(alight!
I’ve caught fire
in your eyes.)
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
Transition between the first line and second line is just ... uh.
Most of it went straight over my head, your references, that is. Actually, the whole thing went over my head. I really have no idea what it's about.
ahhh spamming..... run away! run away!
Oh good false alarm. It's like setting off the school fire alarm system while burning popcorn in Study Hall.
Thanks for the crit Griff, I'll have to do some mechanical work on this, and the line breaks are crap.
Cheerios, CL.
For a moment, I thought YWS was under attack by spammers.
I don't know why, but I'm happy to see it's a false alarm.
Anyway, I don't like poems that are in all lower case letters. It doesn't look good, and it makes it seem like the poem needs to be said in one continuous breath. So some punctuation and some capital letters will make it all good.